My grandparents had an arranged marriage and did not part until death. When my grandma died, my grandpa was heartbroken. As a young child, I watched them bicker, but I also watched him cry, overwhelmed by memories of her, after she was gone. I don’t know if we modern people would call it love, but the bond between them was undeniable and transcended their differences.

A paradox presents itself then. Why is it that deep attachments can be formed in arranged marriages between people who often didn’t even know who they were marrying, but modern marriages, riding on the promise of romantic love and the force of free choice, often splutter? Shouldn’t it be the other way round? How do we begin to understand the discrepancy in our expectations of marriage?

I wasn’t born in the era of arranged marriages, but I have mused enough about modern relationships to have a few thoughts.

In big-screen love stories or other popular narratives, romantic love is often synonymous with the quest for “the one”: the person who will make all our dreams come true and fulfil all our needs.

But this is a flimsy premise for a relationship, and it is usually a matter of time before reality comes crashing down.

Here’s why. When we think we have found the one, we knowingly or unknowingly bind them to an implicit contract where they have to act and talk like Prince or Princess Charming all the time. People often complain, “If so-and-so cares, he (or she) would have done this (or that),” because, obviously, “the one” has superpowers, including the ability to read our minds and always put us first.

Click here to read more.
Source: South China Morning Post