Romans 8:26 CEV
In certain ways we are weak but the Spirit is here to help us. For example, when we don’t know what to pray for, the Spirit prays for us in ways that cannot be put into words
For the first time since I became a born-again believer, I experienced this scripture. My heart was heavy last week. I lost some friends to drugs this past month and within seven days, literally one-day increments between finding out about each other, I lost three Black kings I grew up with. Their names were spoken throughout my household like common “I love you’s”. My father and I had become an estrangement so solid that the bridge had been broken and ignored. He took some time this past week to confirm the estrangement. I lost my job some months ago and my bills were piling up. My head hurt so badly from staying awake at night to think and figure and refigure. I had so much I wanted to say and I had so many needs and wants and in my worry, I felt flustered. What I thought was a panic attack was actually Psalms 23 was forming in my mouth and before I knew it, I was praying and crying out loud. I had no idea what to say, I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to not constantly require peace and solace...I just wanted to experience peace, solace, and contentment. I just prayed. I didn’t feel myself. I didn’t feel gravity. I didn’t hear. I am sure my children were calling my name, I didn’t feel time. I didn’t exist in a timeframe. What felt like seconds were actually hours. When I returned to my reality, I was angry. I didn’t want to leave that place of still calmness. I didn’t want to stop praying. I finally felt whole in those moments. I understood that God saw through my darkness and searched my heart for an entry space. He allowed me to be as tough as I thought I could be, and He rescued me when the pain began to rise so badly and swallow me whole when the situations just wouldn’t stop situating, He grabbed me and literally said “daughter, I got you”. I gave in and I allowed myself to freefall into the palms of His hands and I guess I just thought He wouldn’t catch me. I carried so many bags, I didn’t think he would catch them all.
He did. Every bag. He caught me.
Just remember, everything is catchable. Just draw near and surrender.
(one word, one love, one Yah)