When I first came to the Lord, the hardest thing for me to accept was love, because I didn't feel lovable as I grew closer to Christ. As I began to read his Word and for myself hear and see the examples in scripture. I realized I can be a hot mess and still be loved, and that was hard for me. It was hard for me because I didn't grow up thinking that. I really wanted to move back to california. Ihad a hard time and it was constant.
I met a lot of wonderful people, we found a Bible teaching church and I found my service dog, the trainer that lived 15 minutes away. I know God took us there for a reason. It was cold and it was far away from my family and it was a different culture that i'm used to, and I struggled, I struggled a lot. I went through this period where i was so busy that I was doing all the right things.
I was reading the bible, I was doing the study and I was praying and I was encouraging people and i was doing all these right things, but I was exhausted. I'd gone through a spiritual drought, I was disconnected from God, even though I was connecting with him every day and I didn't know why. I realized I missed home more than I thought. I was going to, and I asked God “will you take me home. please take us home .” I was just bawling crying grieving, angry and asking God, “why, why you know my heart”
I think, of the prodigal son, this father with the two sons and one wanted his inheritance now, “ I want everything now ,'' and it amazes me how the father, just so freely gave it to him.
He takes off and he lives wild until he has nothing left until he finds himself in this pigsty and saying, “what am i doing? my father has ...his servants get better food than me. I need to go back.” But before that he's done everything his way. Meantime, this other son, is sitting here working working working. It feels like he expects that reward for his work, and so when the father is looking out and sees the son, he sees him coming and he doesn't wait for him to come. He goes out and greets him and he greets him with love and then this other son, instead of being happy that his brother's okay happy that he's safe, he's thinking about himself again. You know “what about me ?'' I think i've been both of those sons.
I've had the heart of them. I got to this place where i was serving from my own strength and I believe that's when I forgot to lean on the love of God. I thought I was doing the right things.
So I felt “what am Ii doing wrong ?'' But I never just rested in him and took time to just say, “ I love you,'' and to hear him say. “I love you.” To listen to him. I learned his “no'' is sometimes the most loving thing he can do telling me to wait for something I might want it now.
i'm not ready for it now. He reminded me that home is with him. He reminded me that home is with him and he just spoiled me a little bit by bringing me back to California. I don't want to forget what it felt like to be severing. My connection with God, I want to love him more
I want to love people more. I want to be that close. I don't want to lose it, so I have to be in his word. But it's like a run to you type of thing now. Like I want to run to you and not for an assignment not for work just to be.
INTRODUCING MY NEW STREETWEAR BRAND, Y.A.H. APPAREL
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