My boyfriend finally turned back to look at me, and I was able to breathe again. What did he see in these other girls anyway? What did they have that I didn’t?
Oh, right. They were thinner. Prettier. Better outfits. Better hair. Basically, they had everything I thought I didn’t.
And that’s why I stayed with him—with this man who flirted with the waitresses on our date nights, who checked out every pretty girl we passed, who seemed to forget about me when we were in a crowd and only be interested when we were making out. That’s why, when he told me no other guy would love me like he did, I believed him.
I didn’t think I was worthy of love.
If I had known back then what I know now, I would have stood up in that restaurant and walked out the door, never looking back. Because this is what I learned over the next 10 years:
My Father God owns the cattle on a thousand hills—and He loves me. Deeply. Powerfully. Beyond anything I could imagine, He loves me.
For all the animals of the forest are mine, and I own the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird on the mountains, and all the animals of the field are mine. (Psalm 50:10-11)
But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)
When I finally gathered the courage to leave my boyfriend (more than a year later), I was broken, like a walking dead person. I felt ugly, worthless and empty. I was drowning in disordered eating. I felt hollow inside, craving another relationship, but scared that I would spend the rest of my life alone.
Over and over, I asked God, “Will another man ever love me?” God never answered that question directly. Instead, all I’d hear in my heart was this:
I love you.
I will fight for you.
I have to be enough for you.
It seemed like a non-answer. Little did I know, it would change everything.
Over the next few years I came to know that my Father God delights in me. He’s not tolerating me. He’s not waiting for me to get my life together before I come to Him. No, He is holding out His arms and calling me to come closer.
I came to know that not only does He love me, but He is also all-powerful. He created this world we call home, and He can and does provide for all my needs in the right time.
You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. (Psalm 145:16)
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)
When you know your Father loves you, there is no need to settle for a guy who doesn’t treat you right. That’s the last thing a loving Father would want for you.
And it’s not like your God is devoid of resources; in fact, He is King of all. So there is no need to fear being alone. After all, you are never really alone, because He is with you. He will never let you walk alone. And even in your singleness, He will take care of you.