More often than not, affairs don’t just happen. Oh, sure, sometimes they do, but there are usually things that are said or not said, done or not done, over the years that are contributing factors.
Also, while I’m not suggesting that the husband or wife who has the affair is in any way justified in doing so, a lot of the time the other spouse has helped to push them in that direction. My wife, Susan, and I often say, “In marriage, there are two people and two sides to every story.”
The same holds true when we hear the story of a husband or wife having an affair. Both can point to things that led to the infidelity. When it occurs, the “guilty” party is usually slammed publicly by friends and others while the other spouse is talked about as the helpless victim who was wronged by their lowly, good-for-nothing spouse. But people forget that the other spouse’s hands may not be completely clean.
So if you want to help your spouse have an affair, do the following:
1. Don’t really listen. Act like you’re listening, but continue to glance at your emails or the television while they are talking. And be sure not to feel what they feel. After they pour they’re heart out to you, just say to them “You shouldn’t feel that way” or “Why are you getting so emotional about it? … It’s no big deal.”
2. Stop having intimate conversations. When your spouse wants to talk to you about their hopes and dreams for the future, make a really good excuse as to why you can’t talk right now, like “I can’t talk right now; I need to help the kids with their homework” or “You know my favorite TV show is coming on now. Can we talk about it later?”
3. Constantly criticize, compare, and degrade. Think of ways you can hurt and tear down your spouse with your critical or comparing words … “I asked you to do one thing for me and you didn’t do it. Can’t you do anything right?” Or, “I wish you were more like_________. He’s always doing nice things for his wife.”
4. Do sports and activities only with your friends. Be sure to schedule golf outings or tennis matches with your friends. Check with your neighbor to see if they want to go for a walk. But by no means, do those things with your spouse.
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SOURCE: Charisma News
Mark Merrill, Family First